You have three families…
1) The one you were born into.
2) The one you create. (Network)
3) The one you build (By marriage)
For the purpose of this piece, I’ll focus on the first and second types.
The family you are born into, you are connected to via blood whether nuclear or extended.
The family you create on the other hand consists of friends from school, colleagues from work, business associates. Basically, your network.
Here you find people we usually refer to as ‘Friends Like Family’.
This is not untrue, as here we find the people who believe in us, push us to be better and broaden our horizon. Our cheerleaders, career-wise.
You see, unfortunately, some persons do not get to be born into a family that also makes up their network/networth. The state of the families some persons come from is sometimes so bad to push them to the brink/depression. Abuse, emotional, mental, physical and psychological, such that immediately a little freedom is gained, such persons decide to have little or nothing with their first families, if nothing, to regain and retain their sanity.
Being an advocate of mental health, I understand and even encourage it when people almost cut ties with their first families and throw their weight into their second families(network) and eventually, their third (marriage).
As I believe, your second and third family are actually the greater determinant of who you are and how far you’d go. The who that you decide to be, and not the who determined from where you are coming from.
* I refuse to encourage people who for the sake of, “sebi we are family/siblings” stay and associate with families so toxic that it becomes a second skin.
* I encourage people to break the shackle and refuse to be abused in whatever form, manipulated and downtrodden in the name of “family”.
* I advocate they break the bond, rediscover themselves and create a niche for themselves.
If eventually you cave in, it will be you and you alone, so why subject oneself to torture just to maintain the name ” family”?
While Jesus was teaching in the temple (He had been at it for 3 days), His family came in search of Him. When He was informed that His brothers and sisters (family) had come in search of Him, He responded by saying that it is those who had been with Him and listening to His teachings that were His brothers and sisters.
Jesus was not denying His family at that scenario, He was simply ascerting that:
- Blood is not the only criteria to becoming one’s family.
- He had created a family out of the people who listened to His teachings which was indeed the reason He came on earth.
- He was not going to let His biological family deter Him from carrying out His purpose on earth.
Can you too not do same?
I encourage you to.
Break the bond.